A Straw Hat Wedding
by XiaoFeng
Summary: Two of the Straw Hats are getting married! Wait, Luffy has to marry them? Only the Straw Hats would have a wedding like this! This fic has no particular pairing, so just put in whomever you think fits. The same goes for most of the dialogue.


**Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece. I'm not the genius Oda-sensei is.**

There's a tradition on ships that Captains can marry couples, right? Well, what would happen if two of the Straw Hats decided to get married, and Luffy had to marry them? This fic has no particular pairing. Just match whomever you like to a particular dialogue.

_Italics -_ Background dialogue/People hissing reprimands at Luffy/etc...

**Bold** - Emphasis on words...

* * *

On this beautiful day onboard the Thousand Sunny, the Straw Hat pirates were all very excited, because two of their number had finally decided to get married! The whole ship had been bustling for the last couple of days as they decorated the ship and got ready for the momentous occasion. As they were a small crew, even the bride and groom had been obliged to help out personally with the preparations - not that they were complaining. Everyone was looking forward to the ceremony.

Sanji had whipped up a feast fit to feed a small nation - or Luffy. Usopp and Franky had been in charge of decorations, and directed the men to help where they saw fit. Brook could be heard practicing strains of various wedding songs. Robin and Nami were both busy getting ready for the big day as only women could, and little Chopper was the ring-bearer.

The biggest worry, though, was the one who was marrying the happy couple. Because, as Captain of the ship, the duty fell solely on Luffy's shoulders, and everyone wondered if their ADHD-afflicted Captain was at all capable of going through the entire ceremony without a single hitch.

But despite their worries, the hassle and the chaos surrounding their preparations, the day had come at last, and they all gathered before the altar, where the Captain was standing - or rather, fidgeting - in the official robes he'd been forced to wear.

"Naa~ Nami, do I really have to wear this? It's all hot and itchy!"

_"Yes! It's a special occasion, now do your duties, Captain!"_

"But I'm huungry~"

_"You can eat all you want later! I've made plenty! Just say your lines, idiot Captain!"_

"All right! Shishishishishi~" Suddenly looking serious, Luffy cleared his throat and looked at his crew, and most especially, at the loving couple. Luffy was an idiot, but he couldn't deny that he was happy for his nakama, particularly when they had found their significant others.

"We gather here today on this mo-mo-"

_"The word is 'momentous', Luffy."_

"Right! Momentous occasion! We gather here today on this momentous occasion to witness the joining of two of our favorite people! We've all been together through loads of tough times, and it's great that two of us have found each other like this."

_"Oi, Luffy, that isn't in the script."_

"Anyway! These two have been through a lot together. They have fought together and protected each other, and we cannot be happier for them now that they are getting married. It shows they love each other a lot."

_"Luffy, stop ad-libbing and get on with it!"_

"What's ad-libbing?"

_"Never mind! Just get to the point!"_

"Oh, right. Now, getting married is a big thing. It is a sacred - er - er - bond! Yeah, a sacred bond that will last for a long, long time, because these two love each other very much, and we all wish them the very best in their marriage, and maybe now that they're officially together, they won't be so stingy and let us join in the Mystery Exercises."

_"Mystery Exercises?"_

"Yeah, you know, the ones you play so loudly every night. Usopp told me all about them."

_"Usopp!"_

_"It's not my fault! He was asking all kinds of questions!"_

"Na, you'll let us play now, too, right? It's no fair to keep us out of such things, you know. I wanna play too!"

_"Luffy, it isn't really something that can be played with more than two people..."_

"Eh? But Usopp said that lots of people can play at one time sometimes."

_"Usopp! What have you been telling him?!"_

_"Hey! __**Someone**__ had to tell him about the facts of life, and everyone kept passing it on to someone else!"_

_"Look, Luffy, these - er - Mystery Exercises are __**very**__ exclusive, especially to married couples. They don't usually do it before marriage."_

"Eh? But you two have been playing together for so long... I wanna play too..."

_"Damn it, Luffy! Sex isn't a game that you can play!"_

"I know that. I wasn't talking about sex. I was talking about the Mystery Exercises. Weren't you listening?"

_"Wait, Luffy, you know about sex?"_

"Yeah. Shanks and Ace tried to give me the Talk, but they were horrible at it. I got the idea when I caught Ace with a girl, though."

_"Then why were you asking about sex?!"_

"I was not! I was asking why they made so much noise at night."

_"That's enough! Let's get on to the vows!"_

_"Yesh ma'am...we're bewy sowwy..."_

"Yesh ma'am...we're bewy sowwy... Sho...do da bwide and gwoom hab anyding to shay to eash odder?"

The groom cleared his throat and gazed at his bride. "I never thought I would love you as much as I do, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You are the most amazing and intelligent woman that I know, and I count myself lucky that you feel the same way for me as I do for you. I swore once, when we fought for you, that I would protect you, and now I swear it to you again. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I vow to cherish, love and protect you for as long as I shall live."

The bride's eyes were teary as her husband-to-be spoke with solemn conviction. Her own voice was no less firm though, when she said her piece.

"You have always protected me, even when I didn't want it. I know I can always rely on you to have my back. You make me feel safer than with anyone else, and I love you for it. But just like you want to protect me, I feel the same way for you. I want to be able to keep you safe as well, and so I too promise to cherish, love and protect you for as long as I shall live."

_"Ah, such a touching speech. It makes tears come to my eyes. Ah, but I have no eyes, yohohohoho!"_

_"Shut up!"_

The ceremony resumed with Brook nursing several bumps on his skull - although he had no flesh for muscles to swell - while he continued playing his violin. Everyone turned expectantly back to Luffy.

"Yosh, so - er - "

_"Ask them if they're willing to take the other as their wedded spouse, in sickness and in health, blah blah blah..."_

"Didn't they just say that?"

_"Never mind that! Ask it again!"_

"Fine." Luffy looked at the groom. "Do you take her to be your wife, to stay by her side though she may injure you badly -"

_"LUFFY!"_

" - to share your food with her, even meat -"

_"Luffy, __**you're**__ not the one taking the vow! Stick to the script!"_

" - in wealth and in poverty - ah, but that's really a whole crew thing, isn't it?"

_"Get back on track!"_

" - in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, to protect and support, to cherish and to love for as long as you shall live?

"I do."

"Yosh. How about you?" Luffy turned to the bride.

_"You baka, you have to say the whole thing again."_

"Eh? But she already heard everything before."

_"Just do it!"_

"This is so troublesome... Fine. Are you going to take him as your husband, to stay by his side, to share your food with him, even your meat -"

_"Skip the meat part!"_

"But that's the most important part!"

_"Just let him do what he likes already. We're going to be here all day at this rate."_

" - in wealth and in poverty, though that **really** is a whole crew thing and depends on Nami for the most part..."

_"Stop going off-track!"_

" - in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, to protect and support, to cherish and love for as long as you shall live?"

"I do."

"Good. I now pronounce you husband and wife. Can we go eat now?"

_"They have to kiss first!"_

"Eehhh? Well, hurry up! I'm huungry~!"

"You heard the Captain." The couple kissed while their crewmates applauded. When they broke apart, Luffy was bouncing on his feet impatiently.

"Can we eat now? Now? Now?"

"Yes, Luffy, we can eat now."

"Yosh! FOOOOOD~!"

* * *

**Omake**

The Straw Hat pirates celebrated the union late into the night, though the bride and groom could be heard choking and spluttering when their clueless Captain came up to them and asked, "So, can I join in the Mystery Exercises tonight?"

* * *

**A/N: Ok, the omake was random. Who cares? Omakes are supposed to be random, right? Sorry for the lameness of the speech of the bride and groom. I'm not very good with that, and I had a hard time trying to keep them as vague and general as possible, because I thought of different pairings while writing it. That being said, read and review please!**


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